A simple little exercise tool for your coaching to help your clients choose

I made up this exercise with a client today and thought this would be fun to share, assuming you might have a client in a similar situation.

 

My client is stuck in that typical trap: Should I quit and find a new job or should I stick around?

And when I ask her where she’s leaning towards, or what she wants, her reply has always been that wonderful, “I don’t know.”

 

Now, I know some of you love to ask the question, “Well, what if you did know?” (I’m not a fan of that question, but if it works for you, go for it.)

However, I realized that what was likely causing the “I don’t know” syndrome was that she’s got compelling reasons for both sides and they keep warring with each other.  Every time she starts to think to leave, she reminds herself of how lucky she is to have what she has and maybe she’s making a big deal out of nothing and should tough it out a little and perhaps this will be good for her.  And then when she resigns to stay, she sees how her boss doesn’t respect her the long grueling hours the overworking and the challenge of her values and what’s important to her.

 

So while hearing both sides yanking her back and forth I asked her to get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On one side we were going to list all the “reasons” and “opinions” and “voices” that are telling her to stay, and then in the other column list the ones that tell her why she should leave.

And then we just kept digging and digging, listing and listing.  She ended up having about 10 each—really cluttering up her brain.

 

Now, you might think that the obvious next step would be to go with the one that got the most items.  But as I suspected would be the case, it was about dead even.  Which is no surprise, considering she’s a really smart woman and has been wrestling with this topic for quite some time now.  So clearly she’s explored all the reasons really well on both sides.  And the fact that both sides are even in their arguments, that’s why she’s stuck.

If it was truly lopsided, then she would have realized her choice long ago and made peace with it.

 

And that would also be the next step if we were doing this exercise to come up with the answer.  But as all coaches know, we’re not out to discover and create the answer, but to open up and find new information—to reveal the client to herself, to help her see something about herself that she either forgot or could’nt see.  And in this case, considering she’s stuck in this trap, she really couldn’t see much beyond it.

 

So instead, I had her go back through the list and rate each “reason” one by one on a scale from one to five—one being not really that important and five being NON NEGOTIABLE.  I suspected one or two on each side would be a 5, and of course, there would be perhaps a 2 here and there.  What was so exciting was to witness her creating her own scale of what was important and adjusting each “reason” accordingly.  What she thought at the beginning of the call was all 5s turned out to be a bunch 3s and 4s.

 

Sure, you might say, “Well, now just count up the total of each column and go with the higest score.”  And that would be a way to go.  But again, this exercise isn’t about coming up with the answer.  It’s about helping her discover important information that will help her make her choice.

 

What she then realized was that there were some “reasons” on each end that could actually translate to the other column—you know, like, “If you’re going to leave, then you need to make sure your next job has this.” And the same argument if she stayed.  Out of that she was then more able to realize how realistic her “staying” and “going” expectations were.

 

Lastly, I kept pointing out to her that we were simply using this to help her determine which way she chooses to go.  Every time she brought up about how she was going to find a new job or how to make her boss change I reminded her that would come later.  It didn’t make sense to plan those things until she was clear and committed to which direction she wanted to go.  Otherwise, that other side would jump in and derail her—guaranteed.

 

Well, as it turns out, one side did get a bigger score than the other.

But instead of jumping on that and saying, “Well, so now you have your answer,” I had her be with this new information. Since she’s not in an urgent place and needed to make a decision immediately, she could let this stew a little, now that she has this insight and information.

Again, if she’s going to choose one way, it’s important that she choose with confidence.  Otherwise, she’ll likely slingshot back with regret and doubt.

 

So who knows what will happen after this, but I thought it was such a simple and sweet little exercise you might have fun with it.

Remember, don’t jump in and assume the answer.  Just keep asking your client what they notice.  And if they bring up something that points to a next step in the assessment, then go for it.

 

For example, we could have easily moved to identify what values are tied in with what “reason”, on both sides.  (Likely there’s a competition as to what values are more important.)

Then we could mark what fears each reason is revealing (because there are clearly fears that are keeping her from taking action.)

And I’m sure there’s more we could do.

Bear in mind, gang.  These are simply things you can do with your client to illicit information and help them discover something.  But It’s just a tool.  So use them responsibly.

Have fun.

What happened on the last Fast Pass class? – What’s the Charge?

What happened on the last Fast Pass?  What’s the Charge?

I am so excited about this last class we had.  It’s actually a brand new lesson—all about different levels, types, and forms of Energy.

Actually, let me be more clear as I’m sure you already know something about energy.

Of course, it’s either positive or negative, right?

And you might also know that Thoughts are Energy.
Emotions are Energy.
Our bodies are physical manifestations of Energy,
And even how we show up—our attitude, beliefs and essence—is all pure Energy.

In fact, this is not really a new topic for the FPMC—we’ve been exploring how Energy shows up in our Coaching for a long time.  But this is the first time I’ve culled together such varied resources to create a clear and solid distinction and learning platform for how to recognize it, and what to do with it, utilizing such already powerfully designed systems as:

  • Maslow’s hierarchy
  • The 7 Levels of Energy Leadership
  • BE Above’s model of 7 levels of Effectiveness
  • Spiral Dynamics
  • And more, all combined to create one awesome combination

And once we have this model in place, then we can go just about anywhere with, to and for our clients.

Chakras, Enneagram, Soul Typing, Classic Archetypes, Soul Typing, Co-Active Leadership, even colors and tarot arcana cards are all usable with this model and approach.  In fact, while this is by no means a deep discovery of any of these, it’s a powerful overview of how these can apply and impact your coaching as well.  (And I’ll be no one else is having this conversation.)

After all, it’s not the Action you take, but the Energy that you make.

And speaking of which, I invite you to focus your Energy on joining in the next round of the Fast Pass to MasterFull Coaching—one of the most powerful and complete Advanced Coaching Experiences available.

46 CCEUs, Mentor coaching hours, bonus recordings, and more.

Visit www.mastermycoaching.com for more information and to lock yourself in.

What are you waiting for?
Your Coaching will never be the same!

Looking for a workshop space in Denver!!!

Call for location help.
So I’m planning this awesome advanced coaching workshop in Denver in July, and I have a wonderful fellow coach who’s offering me her office space (Yea!), However, there is one little problem. It’s on a Sunday. Which means no A/C. In July. (Can you see where this is going?)
So before I lock this in, I’m checking to see if anyone might have an alternate space I could use. July 16 from about 4-8.
Hoping for 30 coaches to attend (could be more.)
Any suggestions?

I sure could use a little help.

The worst question to ask in coaching (and you probably are doing it and don’t even know).

Who would you have to BE?

I hate that question.

Yes, I know it’s a beautiful, awesome, powerful coaching question.  But I’ll clue you in on something very important:

It’s really only that way for coaches.

Think about it.  Our clients live in a DOing and HAVEing world.  (What ACTION can I do to get my desired RESULT?)  That’s all they way.  To fix their problem somehow.

Not only that, but we typically confuse what BEing means:
You’re being selfish. (Usually a judgement)
I want to BE happy (referring to an outcome experience which is actually a Result)
What do you want to BE when you grow up?  (Referring to a role that we take on, just like BEing a mother, BEing a doctor or BEing a coach.  Which is actually all about DOing.)

But as coaches, we know what we’re really talking about when we talk about BEing.
It’s about the Thoughts and Emotions
It’s about our Beliefs that we hold to be true about ourselves and the world around us
It’s about the Energy that we possess, our spirit.

And if you’re ready to discover more about how to truly access and engage your own BEing as well as that of your clients, then there’s no better place than

The Fast Pass to MasterFull Coaching.
the Science, Artistry and Performance of Powerful, confident and successful coaching.

Visit www.mastermycoaching.com for more information and to register for this incredible course that will totally transform your Coaching BEing in amazing ways.

What happened on the last Fast Pass to MasterFull Coaching – The ELEMENTS of Our Coaching

What happened on the last Fast Pass? – The ELEMENTS of Our Coaching

Ok coach.  Be honest.  Did you ever have that moment in your coaching when the unexpected happened?

  • Your client suddenly throws a curve ball at you? You know, like you zigged and they zagged?
  • Something unexpected popped up.
  • You were caught off guard.
  • You got distracted for a moment and suddenly lost your place, momentum, focus or what the heck you were going to say?

Of course you have.  If you say you haven’t you’re either not paying attention or lying.

Either way, do you know how to handle it?  Do you know how to recover?

This lesson visits the prime basic coaching skills, contexts and beliefs that we all have learned in our training (and perhaps even a few bonus ones you didn’t know about) and uses them in incredible and advanced ways.

  • Instantly strengthen and grow ANY coaching skill that you may be struggling in.
  • Discover an unlimited resource for powerful questions
  • Never get lost in your coaching again.
  • Learn a simple, yet incredibly awesome technique that will create a rich connection with your client, no matter what has just happened.

I know it sounds like too good to be true.  But this is what MasterFull Coaches are doing, and it’s incredibly easy to learn and incorporate into your coaching as well.  All you need is the right introduction and structure.

And that can be found ONLY in the Fast Pass to MasterFull coaching.

This unique and unparalleled 16-week course that shifts good coaches–really good coaches—into awesome, confident and powerful coaches.

46 CCEUs (or 39 CCEUs and 7 Mentor coaching hours) are available.

The next round begins Friday, June 23 and runs for 4 super-packed advanced coaching months.

Visit www.mastermycoaching.com for more information.  (And email me at ben@bedo.org) to see how you can jump in on the First call as my guest for a Free Preview of the course.  My gift to you.

What are you waiting for?
It’s time for you to jump into the really, really, really fast past
Your Coaching will never be the same!

Are you Aware of the last Coaching Skills Forum call – AWARENESS

Yes.  I know that there are TONS of calls out there all about Creating Awareness.

But there is no conversation and discovery of this coaching skill like the Coaching Skills Forum.

Why, you may ask?

I”m not monkeying around with you.  This call wasn’t about DOing Awareness as it was more focused on the actual topic of AWARENESS itself.

  • What is it?
  • How do we experience it?
  • What are the different types of Awareness?
  • What makes it important?
  • What gets in our way?

(And believe me, I’ve had many conversations on this topic, and there has been nothing like this.)

Don’t believe me?

Then might I make you Aware of the link to the archived recording.

Awareness-050917

Have a listen and see for yourself.

You’ll discover something awesome, new and powerful you can bring to your coaching IMMEDIATELY.

And visit www.coachingskillsforum.com for more.

And of course, join us for our next amazing CSF call Wednesday, May 24 as we explore the exciting world of BALANCE.

The Coaching Skills Forum – AWARENESS

Yes, I know you know all about this topic.  (Heck, what coach doesn’t know this is what coaching is all about?)

Ah ha!  But are you AWARE of just how deep and powerful this really is?

Are you AWARE of the FULL range of what this is all about and means?

And are you AWARE that there is a group of amazing coaches that gather on a conference line twice a month to explore out coaching skills beyond where other schools, calls, and workshops dare to go?

Are you AWARE that our next call is Tuesday, May 9, at 10:00 Central/ 11:00 Eastern?  And that the number to call is 218-339-8524 PIN: 2336#

You’re probably also AWARE that these calls are FREE (and CCEUs are available for a small fee) and that more information can be found at www.coachingskillsforum.com

If you are AWARE of all that, then I look forward to seeing you there.

“A where?”

At the COACHING SKILLS FORUM CALL

Saboteur Poker

 

BeDo Bits Issue 6 – “Saboteur Poker”

Sometimes it seems as though we’re playing this big poker game with our Saboteur or Saboteur.

Now, think about it for a minute.

“Hm… I think I’ll bet that I want to start a new direction in my career.”

“Yeah?  Well I’ll see your new career, and raise you a Who do you think you are?”

“Okay.  I’ll see that, and raise you an I’ve got excellent training and I’m confident in my skill.”

“Really.  So you think you’re tough, huh?  Well, how about we throw in a You don’t know how to really build a business?  And I’ll even throw in a You can’t get your own life straight, who’ll want you as a coach? to boot. What do you say about that?”

Hm.  That’s a pretty big bet all right.  Well played.

“What’s the matter, the stakes too big for you?  Ready to fold?”

“Fold?  Sorry, not this easily.  Not while I have a decent list of clients are all seem to be getting great value working with me.”

“So you think.  Maybe they’re not telling you the truth.”

“Ooh.  Low blow.  So are you calling me?  You think I’m bluffing?”

“Yeah, I think you’re bluffing.  I’m going all in.  I don’t think you got what it takes to be a coach and I’m tossing in everything I’ve got at you.  You can’t possibly match me.  You have got to be kidding yourself.  You’ve been doing this how long?  And you only have how many clients?  And you’re only making how much?  And what about the bills?  You’ll never succeed enough to quit your other job, and you’ll never be able to succeed until you quit your day job.  You’re stuck.  Meanwhile you have to waste all that money on those classes and even gotten your own coach and if you really look at it, you haven’t really gotten anywhere except spent some time playing this silly fantasy and really not making a difference.  I mean, if you were really that good, you’d already have a full practice, wouldn’t you?” There.  All in.  What do you say now?

“Well… I say you bring up some pretty strong points there.  And I must admit, I almost tossed in my cards and let you win.  But you forgot one thing.  I got an ace up my sleeve.  And that Ace is that I’m passionately drawn to this work.  I love my classes, I love my clients, I love learning, and I love coaching.  My core Values are being expressed and when I’m connected to my coaching, I feel alive.  Sure the money isn’t there now, but it doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way.  And sure my client load is down, but as I continue to grow and put myself out there with confidence, more will come.  There are millions of people out there who are hungry for a change, and are needing someone to help them discover powerful and fulfilling lives.”

“Who?  Someone like you?”

“Yeah.  Someone like me.  What’s the matter?  Is that a little sweat I see?  Could it be that you’re getting desperate.   Perhaps you know you got nothing and I’ve got the winning hand.  And every day, I’m getting stronger and more skilled, both as a coach and in my life.  You can bring up the past all you want (and what you think is the truth), but it’s only because you can see the future, and you’re scared, because there’s no place for you and your smallness there.

But I can see my future self who knows the struggles and successes.  I can see my visions and dreams all coming true because I made them.  And I know I can achieve my success and fulfillment, and there’s really nothing that can stop me.  Not you, not my fears, not anyone, unless I toss in my cards myself and give up the hand.  And I will never do that, because I have people who love me, need me, and believe in me.

So, Mr. Saboteur, I call your bluff.  The time has come.  What do you have?”

“All right.  You win, this time.  But I’ll be back when you least expect it.”

“I’ll be waiting for that time.  Until then, I’ll be busy living a fulfilling life.”

And on it goes.  Each perspective building upon the next.  Who will win the jackpot?   Only you can tell.