630-484-2336 ben@bedo.org

The other day I was talking with a client, and she uttered the dreadful “B-word.”

I almost collapsed in shock and horror.

I mean, when we Designed our Alliance, we covered language considerations–and we built in permission for the occasional “S-word” that may pop out from time to time, and even the “F-word” here and there.  But I was completely unprepared for the stinging damage of the dreaded “B-word.”

Of course, it’s much worse than all the other “[letter]-words” out there.  So much worse.  It’s the grand-daddy of them all.  A word so deadly, because it sounds so innocent and harmless, and yet every time it escapes past someone’s lips, irrevocable damage is created.  I’m talking about a word that can, in an instant, erase any sense of hope, self-esteem, possibility, value, praise, acknowledgement, connection, and love.

It is the gremlin/saboteur’s favorite word.  It uses it mercilessly and without care as to what Values are diminished.

How many times have you longed for the phrase, “I love you,” only to have it quickly followed by “BUT…”?

What about the numbing impact of, “I’m sorry, BUT…” or. “You did a great job, BUT…”, or, “You are the most beautiful, wonderful, talented, amazing human being in the world, BUT…” And what about what we say to ourselves?  Things like, “I did a great job, BUT…”, or “”I’m confident and powerful, I am loved, I am good, BUT…”

Oh the pain, the pain.

In fact, no matter how wonderful and heartfelt those first words are, no matter how much detail and proof and power supports them, they are all instantly eradicated with the crushing blow of one simple word.


And whatever phrase follows continues to forage a path of fear, ego, domination, control, and disconnection.  It kills instantly whatever words of love and gratitude existed for that brief moment, and all that’s left in the wake is blame, resentment, embarrassment, shame, anger, sorrow, and pain.

My friends, the time is at hand.  Stop the spread of this evil word before it’s too late.  I encourage each and every one of you coaches out there to join in this campaign and work relentlessly with each and every one of your clients to erase this heinous word for their vocabulary, before any further destruction occurs.

In fact, I challenge you all to take on playing the “BUT” game.  Have a partner (your coach, your client, your spouse, family member, friend, co-worker… anyone that you care enough to create positive connection with) and place each other on strict scrutiny.  Give them $1 for every “But” the is uttered.

Then, practice converting each “BUT” into an “AND” until every “BUT” is eliminated from our vocabulary.  Then, and only then, will we truly have the chance to grow and thrive.

BUT… you already knew to do this, right?