This is the test of the Disney Blog to see if it works
There’s more content that keep popping up every week, just for you as a BeDo “Get Good Stuff” member. Have you checked it out lately?
What does your Future Self look like? – How to use the future to empower the present. (And it’s also fun).
Failing My MCC – #4 of the ongoing journey, lessons learned, insights and discoveries, and just an overall saga of preparing for, taking, failing the MCC and beyond.
How to handle the client who says “I don’t know” – not just occasionally, but when they are really riding that phrase, and it’s almost like it’s a tool of defiance.
Plus, i’m going to be announcing some free webinars for powerful growth, deepening your coaching, and exploring your skills in new and exciting ways as well as announce my upcoming Subscription based membership with tremendously more value for you and your coahcing.
So stay tuned for that information. You won’t want to miss it.
If your coaching skills were super powers, what would you, as a coaching superhero look like?
Well, now’s your chance to find out at
Follow this link to a great fun program where you can create your own superhero, male or female–from hair to facial structure, to costume, to all the accessories you could ever need. This is your chance to really see what you at your super coaching greatest would look like.
While you’re designing the “perfect look” remember, that your Future Self isn’t necessarily in the future. Consider they are more of a representation and reflection of you–right now–here in the present. They are who you are when your Values are fully expressed, when you’ve managed your Saboteurs and Gremlins, when you’re connecting to your inner wisdom and knowing, when you’ve discovered and achieved your passions, visions and dreams. It’s who you are deep down, when all the fears are gone–you at your most brilliant and powerful self.
So why wouldn’t you want to see what that looks like?
This way you have a clear image of who that man or woman is. And the more clear, the more able you are to access and use as a tool in your daily life.
And if you want a more real person look, there’s an alternative “real life edition” with more “down to earth” options, but you can still design what your future self would look like. Don’t forget to copy, print and post it up somewhere at your coaching space for a continuous reminder of who you are striving to become (and really already are inside).
Remember that old phrase, “I’ll believe it when I see it”? here’s your chance to put it to work for you. See it for real, every day. Keep focusing on it until the outside image matches the inside image. And that’s when the magic really starts to happen.
Another way to look at it is reversing that phrase, “I’ll see it when I believe it!” And in that case, the more that you see this image of you, the more it reminds you of who you are, deep down, beyond all the fears, habits and other crap that is layered on top prohibiting your full and powerful self-expression. The more you remember who you are, in this present moment, and who you choose to be, the more you are reinforcing just how that is really true. And the more you start acting like that version of you.
Your choices, your actions, your impact, your directions, even how you get yourself out of your stuck spots and habits, when those crappy fears and saboteurs come along, you have a more powerful reminder of who you really are and who you choose to be every day. The more you practice this, remember this, and hold to this truth, the more you will believe it.
And the more you believe that this is the real you, the more you will see it.
(Comer and check out more at www.Bedo.org – Freebies and downloads and forms, OH MY!)
Becoming an MCC isn’t always easy. That may seem like an obvious statement, but allow me to clarify exactly why that is so.
To be recognized as a Master Certified Coach means serious business. And it means that this credential has been earned by displaying the caliber and quality of Master Level Coaching.
In other words, the bar is high. Not only that, but Master Coaching can be a little tricky to identify and define. It’s not something that works too well with “I’ll know it when I see it”, which is true. But if we’re expected to perform at that level, then we need to know how to clearly identify and trust that Master Level Coaching.
So although I felt confident about my coaching skills, I knew also that I needed to continue to refine and improve and grow. And in order for me to learn what that was like, I was going to have to immerse myself and engage with other Master Coaches.
There were a few reasons for this.
- A common practice for personal growth, development and success is to surround yourself with those who are where you want to be. This way, you’ll begin to think, feel and act like them. (And if you act like them, and do the same things they do to get their results, then you’ll get the same results. At least that’s how it works in theory. And in fact, it does work that way, to an extent.)
- If you want to get better at any sport, you play with people who are at that higher level. They’ll naturally challenge you to step up and grow and play a bigger and better game.
- I also have a skill of being able to analyze and articulate and figure out how and why things work. So by watching these Master Coaches in action I was able to discover what it was they were doing, not just the recipe or strategy, but the deeper context or focus and skill they were using that made the difference between the kind of coaching they were doing and what I was doing. Rather than just, being amazed and impressed and “Oh, they’re so good.” I wanted to know WHY they were so good, and what they were doing that was different.
I discovered something pretty powerful. Yes, I realize you may read this and say “Duh, how obvious” but actually, when I pass this insight along to other coaches, it’s not always so obvious. At least not until it’s voiced.
You see, I realized that these awesome, incredible and amazing coaches were utilizing the very same skills that I had learned—the same techniques and methods and approaches and exercises that I acquired in my training—, and yet, their execution, connection and impact—the performance of their coaching—was completely different.
I engaged in exciting and engaging and sometimes provocative conversations with these Master Coaches, sharing what I was discovering and gauging their reactions and taking in their responses. I found out many of them—although recognized at Master Coaches—weren’t able to clearly articulate to me how they were doing what they were doing. At best they would provide some sort of formula. “I always ask this question in the beginning,” or, “I always use this process,” or “I never end a call this way.”
I found these to be “unreliable” and “conditional” strategies—you know, the “just do this” approach that “works every time”… except when it doesn’t. And true enough, I would try exactly what they would suggest and found that sometimes it did work, and sometimes it didn’t, depending on the client, the topic, the relationship, the situation and the moment.
My frustration continued to grow because these formula approaches just didn’t sound like Master Coaching to me.
To me, Master Coaching is about more than just tricks and applications that “work”, it’s about how you are showing up, connecting, revealing yourself and how you are in relationship with the client. It’s not about having perfect coaching, but how you handle it when the obstacles occur, how to adjust and adapt to the unexpected and how to embrace “I don’t know.”
And anyway, when I tried those “MCC” techniques and they did work, I felt like I was forcing my method or agenda on the client. And that didn’t feel like Master Coaching either.
Clearly much of what I was hearing from others was a simple case of “I’m a Master coach. And this is how I coach. So therefore this is what master coaching is. And if you do it my way, you’ll be doing Master Coaching.” But again, that doesn’t work for me—mainly because I’m not them.
But instead of dismissing these strategies because they didn’t work for me, I got more curious to go deeper and explore why their methods worked when they did, and how they worked with their clients. And more importantly, why they didn’t work in other circumstances and what was getting in the way. If I could unlock that stuff, I knew then I could utilize that deeper information to help me discover my own version of Master Coaching.
And the more I explored, the more I discovered. The more I discovered, the more I learned. And the more I learned, the more my Inner MasterFull Coach grew—taking shape, getting color, growing louder and stronger and more confident.
I converted everything I was learning and discovering into myself
And all of this learning and discovery was not only helping me grow, but I was funneling it back to the coaches I was working with—either as their coach, or in my MasterFull Coaching class, which became a great platform to test and workshop my own coaching theories and approaches and make sure that was I was working on was “unconditional” and “reliable” coaching approaches—in other words, I could use with any client, with any situation, and any obstacle that occurs in my coaching. To me, that was Master Coaching.
All the while, I was staying on my path, keeping rigorous track of my coaching hours, made sure I had all my training certificates in order.
Finally came the day when I felt I was ready to submit. I sent off my application and was then instructed to send in two recordings of my coaching (that requirement has since changed).
All this time, my journey had basically been kept my own secret—only sharing my quest with those who were immediately a part of my growth and development. Now it was time to reveal to the rest of the world of what I was up to, because I was going to need clients to help me get some good recordings. (Many of my current clients are coaches in training, and require more like a Mentoring/Teaching experience.)
And once it was “out there” there was no turning back.
(The journey continues… and it’s a pretty exciting one. Get all of them and more with my free access membership “Get Good Stuff” at Freebies and downloads and forms, OH MY!)
This is a true story.
In the early 1900’s, my grandmother Avis lived with her family on the south side of Chicago. She was a little girl at the time, probably around 5 when this particular event occurred.
They lived above the family-owned and operated Ziemsen’s, a local neighborhood grocery store where folks could buy just about anything for the home… including pickles.
In fact, at the counter there were two large barrels of pickles for customers to purchase. On one of the barrels, there was a sign for 1 cent, and the other barrel was labeled 2 cents. This way, the customers had their choice of pickle.
Well, one day, my grandmother, Avis, noticed her grandfather restocking the barrels at the counter. He would bring a larger barrel of pickles from the back storage room, open it up and proceed to transfer pickles into both of the counter containers.
As you can imagine, this action puzzled my grandmother. Of course, being a five year old, she didn’t get it. So she asked him, “Goosfadder,” (that’s what she called him), “Why is it that you have two different barrels of pickles and one says they are for one penny and the other is for two pennies, but they are the same pickle?”
And he looked at her with his eyes of years of wisdom and said sweetly to her, “Well Avis, sometimes people just prefer a more expensive pickle.”
In other words, it’s not that one pickle is any better than the other, it’s the value that the customers are giving to their purchase. If they pay for the two cent pickle, they will appreciate it more. It’s a greater value. Same pickle, but for some reason it tastes better. On the other hand, perhaps those that buy the one penny pickle will feel like they’re getting a great deal (cause it’s a pretty darned good pickle) but are saving a whole penny. I mean, how much better could a two penny pickle be?
So really, it starts with the value that we place on our product, but it’s also about the value that the customer feels they are getting. And if those customers feel like they are getting a great value, either by getting a great pickle, or a great deal, they’re more likely to come back for more.
In case you haven’t made the connection, this is a great clear example of how we, as coaches, view ourselves and the rates for our coaching.
So the question I have for you is, “What kind of pickle is your coaching? A one cent or a two cent?” Only you will know.
But once you decide it–your price and your value–then put yourself on display in that barrel (metaphorically speaking, of course) and put a big sign out to tell everyone looking for a pickle that you offer the best pickle in the neighborhood.
(There are so much more of these insights and articles to help grow your coaching, plus video bits, downloads and TONS of archived recordings for you to enjoy, learn and grow. Visit https://bedo.org/freebies-and-downloads to access HUNDREDS of items all designed to help you truly BE the coach you are here to BE!)
Yes, Super Coach! With strange powers of curiosity, and level three listening. Super Coach! Who can shift perspectives in the blink of an eye. Who can take a client into the deepest depths of their emotion. Who can create powerful visions and goals. Super Coach! Able to Hold a Client’s Agenda while simultaneously Holding the Client as Naturally Creative, Resourceful, and Whole. And who can focus on the smaller agenda while at the same time seeing the Meta-view to the Client’s Whole Life.
When the Evil Gremlin strikes unsuspecting victims with his lackeys Stuck, Procrastination, and Playing Small, Super Coach is there–ready to dish out a one-two punch of Values and Perspectives, and follow it up with an uppercut of Choice. Wherever there is Fear, Super Coach is there with his Cape of Empowerment. Wherever there is Playing Small, Super Coach has plenty of “Bigger Game” in his utility belt ready for action. Wherever there is Overwhelm, Super Coach uses his super strategy of small and simple steps and powerful goals to help the client move forward towards the life that they desire and deserve.
Hold on to your headsets, kiddies.
IT’S SUPER COACH!!!
Yes, sometimes it feels just like that.
However, it’s not always so wonderful. Remember the big lesson “With great powers, comes great responsibility.” And we have to use these wonderful skills wisely. Just because we know how to dig into every problem that comes our way, doesn’t mean that we always have to. In fact, sometimes having these coaching tools and training can be so exciting that it’s such an easy trap get sucked into trying to coach everyone we come across all the time. And what usually happens? We rub them the wrong way and they get upset and turned off. Why? Well, mainly because they didn’t ask for it. It was an unrequested overstepping of boundaries. There isn’t an alignment with both parties (you and the other person) that you will be coaching them on the issue. It’s different with our clients. There, we have that relationship established, it’s part of the Alliance that’s designed.
One of the skills that we as coaches need to strengthen is the knowing of “When to coach/ when not to coach.”
Think about Superman. He’s always super—that’s who he is naturally. But if he wasn’t careful, he could be flying around non-stop 24 hours a day saving people. As super as he is, he knows that he needs to sometimes stop, put on his Clark Kent clothes, and go around just as a normal human—sometimes having to watch his friends go through frustrations and sticky situations, and knowing that that’s a part of life and they need to experience it sometimes. Of course even when he’s Clark Kent and Lois is about to spill her coffee on her dress, he’ll still lend a little bit of help by secretly blowing a little puff of air to lift it back up, unnoticed by anyone. He’s not obvious about it.
It’s just like how we can continue to hold our friends and family Naturally Creative, Resourceful, and Whole. We can be naturally Curious about their lives, we can Listen to them and their issues, and not have to actually “coach” them to some big change or resolution or revelation. Sometimes we don’t need to put on our whole Super Coach persona and just simply use out coaching skills on a subtler level. “BE” with them—listening, holding, and self-managing—without actually having to don our costume and DO “COACHING” with them.
So make sure that you use your powers wisely. Just because you’re a Super Coach yourself, doesn’t mean you have to Coach everyone all the time. Coach when it’s appropriate. And when it’s not, simply put on your everyday clothes over your Super-Coach costume, and love your friends.
That’s the Super-est thing you can BE and DO.
OK, how many of you at some point felt like giving up this whole coaching thing?
What? Really? So, it’s only me that’s felt that way? Come on. You had to have felt it at some point.
Perhaps while you were taking one of your coach training classes, or when you were swamped and overwhelmed in Certification, or perhaps when you lost a client (or maybe five in one week) or got yet another “no”, or maybe everything was fine until now and something just got triggered while you were reading this. And maybe you’re still so excited about coaching that you haven’t yet fallen into the pit of despair. and with all those classes and experiences you’re learning how to wield your coaching tools with more confidence and competence. You’re growing as a coach every day.
So even if you’ve already been there in the pit of despair and frustration, or not, I’m here to tell you that eventually at some point, you’ll question your commitment and ability and direction with coaching. You’ll doubt what you are doing. You’ll want to give up and do something easier and less fulfilling.
This is natural, and every single coach (even yours truly) has been filled with that very doubt-sometimes more than once. You see, it’s part of the growing process. You’re stepping out of the comfort zone, your stretching and growing, and starting to take some risks. And sometimes when you stretch a little too far, grow a little too fast, you end up being a little tender and vulnerable.
Sure it would seem the most likely alternative would be to stop growing, stop stretching. After all, if it’s going to make you tender and sensitive, easy pickings, then why do it?
Well, for starters, ever try to “not grow”. It’s kind of impossible. Growing is a part of life. We have to grow. Externally as well as internally. Physically as well as Spiritually as well as Mentally as well as Emotionally as well as a hundred other ways.
So we can’t avoid it.
Besides, if we really and truly kept in the same place with our lives, we’d go crazy. We’d get itchy and uncomfortable and desperate to break out and try something new. So stretch and grow.
Like a snake that needs to shed its skin when it has become too small. The outer layer becomes really uncomfortable and confining and ugly looking, and finally the snake can’t take it any longer and withdraws someplace safe to remove this frustration. Even after the hard outer layer is finally left behind, the new skin that is now exposed is tender and vulnerable, easy to be injured by the outside world if it’s not careful.
You may wonder why the snake does this if it places it in danger. Wouldn’t it be much easier and safer to simply keep the old and uncomfortable shell? At least it would help protect it from danger and help it live longer.
Good question. In fact, it sounds very much like the one that was just asked two paragraphs ago.
It’s certainly a question that our Saboteur keeps asking, and in fact, would have us believe that it’s better to stay small. But the snake knows something that your Saboteur keeps conveniently forgetting. We (the snake as well as us) will naturally continue to grow. You can’t stop it. It’s part of living. And the more the snake resists that inevitable growth and change, the more uncomfortable it will be confined in that tight, dry and crusty shell.
Kind of like trying to fit in the clothes you wore in high school-not only are they way too small, but terribly out of date. However, by going with the growth and change, and even helping it along by clearing off the old, and no longer helpful outer shell, the snake has the freedom and ability to grow even larger and more powerful than it was before. And that makes for one happy snake.
Not to make any assumptions that you are a snake… but you get the metaphor.
So, knowing that you might be a little tender in the process, but that it will help you grow bigger and stronger, what’s the old skin that you want to shed today?
“I want to be a PCC coach.” I heard my client (who is a coach, cause I coach coaches) say to me.
We did all the work that happens in coaching and set our sights to designing a specific timeline and goal and all that stuff that we do in coaching, and her assignment was to come up with some kind of structure that would help keep her focused—eye on the prize, as it were.
Part of the approach we were taking was about finding ways to “already see yourself” at that end goal. This was a tactic that I had been exploring with other clients as well as with myself throughout my own MCC journey.
I knew I couldn’t officially call myself an MCC… yet—not in my signature or business cards or website or anywhere—but I felt it important that I find some way to indicate to others that I wasn’t just another PCC coach, but an MCC who just hadn’t gotten the hours yet.
I saw other people listing their non-coaching credentials like “LMNOP, pending approval” or “XYZ under submission” or whatever clever jargon that people use to declare they’re something that they haven’t been actually approved and validated by their reviewing organization. However, that “fudging it” didn’t didn’t feel right.
And then it hit me.
-ben dooley PCC (but I roll like an MCC).
That way, I was clearly acknowledging I was officially a PCC coach, but what you’ll get from me is an MCC experience and MCC level coaching.
How clever. People liked it. I got emails and comments and “that’s so great” and all that wonderful support… until I got a call from ICF.
“You can’t have that in your signature,” they said.
“Why not?” I replied. “I’m not saying I’m actually an MCC.”
“I know, but there have been some complains about your signature, and you can’t include that credential unless you really are one.”
“These people don’t understand,” I pleaded my case, hoping for some special dispensation to support my cause. “I’m saying, ‘This is how I show up. This is the bar I hold myself to.’ I would think those coaches would appreciate that I am striving to be at that level and am playing a bigger game.” I used all the fancy coaching terms I could think of to really make my point. (Looking back, I can completely see the frustration and objection on their end, and I probably would raise the same concerns if I saw someone posting themselves that way.)
So I went through all of my signatures and documents and cleaned it out. Unfortunately, I had run that campaign for so long, I lost track of where it appeared (I’m still coming across, “but I roll like an MCC” and now wince a little at the audacity as I delete.)
But I was not deterred. I knew that while my actions weren’t right, my motive was. I knew that even if I couldn’t advertise it, I needed to continue to see myself as “already an MCC coach”. That would keep me focused and exploring and growing. Eye on the prize, as it were.
Let me clarify this a little bit. We’ve all heard concepts and approaches like this.
Our results are based on our actions, and our actions are supported by our thoughts and feelings. So with that in mind I was looking for ways to reprogramming myself to “THINK” like an MCC, FEEL like an MCC, and ACT like an MCC.” After all, my whole professional base was BE DO, right?
I realized that first I have to BE an MCC coach, before I can DO MCC coaching, and before I can actually HAVE that status given to me.
It all made perfect sense. I just needed to find structures that weren’t going to upset anyone along the way (which totally changes the energy and the impact of the action).
Fast forward to my conversation with my client.
She wanted to set her sights on becoming a PCC coach and was feeling that it was still far out of reach. Yet, she was good—skilled in her coaching, articulate in her work, and full of passion and commitment to her excellence.
So when I asked her to explore how she could support already seeing herself as a PCC coach, she came up with the idea to “make” a fake PCC certificate. By no means was it meant to sidestep the official process and begin living some strange unethical lie (on the contrary, she’s one of the most ethical coaches out there I know), but this document would be her own and post dated to inspire her to get all her hours completed by then and to address all of the other requirements and keep herself focused.
It was so simple, and I loved it.
I loved it so much I decided to do my own. Scanning my very real and legal PCC certificate, I found a matching font and replaced the “P” with an “M” and then dated it December 15, 2010 which was three years from the day of that conversation. Which meant I had given myself a three year timeline to make it official before it “expired”.
I had now officially declared myself in the next stage of obtaining my MCC. I had declared it to someone else and created a reminder structure to keep myself moving.
And it worked. I liked the idea of having it on my wall, in my office, right next to where I was coaching. Occasionally I would glance at it while I was coaching and ask if I was doing what I thought was MCC coaching. Often I said, no. but sometimes I thought, yes. And when I recognized, no, I quickly would get myself refocused.
Also, I was now truly “In the Game” and that destination of MCC was always tugging at me in the back of my head, pulling me forward, encouraging me to learn and grow and better myself in any way that I could. And once I was “in the Game” I began to approach becoming an MCC very differently, and very deeply.
Commitment does that to you.
“What’ll ya have, Sweetie?”
These words once evoked sheer terror, but now fulfill my dreams.
A while back, when I was just starting to go out to eat, I came across this restaurant. It was exciting. Here is was, a place that could give me any kind of food I wanted.
So I opened the door and went in.
In fact, I was really hungry–actually feeling quite desperate–and would just about eat anything. I didn’t care what it was, as long as it filled my stomach. The waitress came to the table and asked me what I wanted to order. And I just stared at the menu. I couldn’t make up my mind. I mean, if I ordered the spinach omelet, then that would mean that I wouldn’t be able to eat the Cobb salad, or the Hawaiian Cheeseburger. The trouble was, I was afraid to narrow down my choice, because then it would mean cutting out the rest of the menu. And what if I was missing something really good, like a grilled cheese sandwich, or baked cod with corn?
However, if I didn’t tell the waitress exactly what I wanted, she wouldn’t be able to bring it to my table, and then I wouldn’t get to eat and satisfy my needs. It was all so overwhelming. In fact, I had a strong urge to just give it up and leave the restaurant, and commit myself to never eat out again. I thought perhaps that I’d be better off at one of those “All-you-can-eat” buffets, where I could just load my plate with lots of everything. But the only problem with that was the food was never as good, and I always ended up overindulging and feeling even more unsatisfied than when I entered. But I knew that if I left now, I’d feel even worse, and that I had to give this a chance.
So what happened?
Well, first I couldn’t make a decision, so I stalled and continued to nibble on the bread. And although it was filling, it wasn’t very satisfying. And after a while, I really needed something more. So, afraid to limit my options, I ordered one of everything.
It took a long time for the kitchen to prepare it all, and by the time it all arrived at the table, most of it was cold and tasteless anyway-very unsatisfying. Not only that, but there wasn’t enough room on the table for it all and it was hard to organize and give each meal the attention that was needed. And because there was so much, I could only take a few bites here and there and I wasn’t really able to enjoy any of it. And after all that, I wasted so much time and money that I really didn’t get my value.
I really began to hate the process of going out and finding something to eat. It was so frustrating and it always felt like I was going nowhere and spinning my wheels.
I realized that I needed to start acting differently and begin making clear choices. And the next time I planned to go out and get food, I spent a little time beforehand thinking about what it was that I really enjoyed eating. What dish would I be able to give deep focus and attention to, savor each bite, and know at the end that I had ordered the right meal.
This time, when I entered the restaurant, I knew exactly what I wanted. It was a Ruben, on lightly toasted rye bread, with the cheese hot and bubbly, a side of onion rings and an iced tea, unsweetened. By being super clear and specific about what I wanted to eat, the waitress was able to quickly go to the kitchen, convey my desire clearly to the cooks where they would easily prepare it and get it off to my table, nice and hot.
And then I could really enjoy my meal.
Not only that, but then every time I walked in, the waitress knew ahead of time what I wanted and would get it going before I even sat down.
Now, I love going to eat there. Where the dining experience used to be frustrating and felt like an endless struggle, now it’s easy and fun.
The added perk about all this was that this didn’t have to be the one and only time that I could order from the menu and ask for a meal. I wasn’t locked in to eating only Rubens for the rest of my life. If I wanted to, I could ask for the bowl of tomato soup instead, or a butt steak with onions. It could be different or the same. The important thing was that I listened to what I really was needing to connect with, what dish was the best dish for that moment. And then I went out there and claimed it for myself.
It’s like declaring your niche.
Many coaches out there (you may be one of them) are nervous about niches and target audiences. But just like the diner, once you declare who it is that you really want to work with, then it’s much easier to find your clients and serve them to you on a plate… with cheese bubbling hot… whatever that means.