A coach said to me, “It feels weird, though. Cause it feels like they’re paying me just to be their friend.”
Perhaps that’s true. Or at least from a certain perspective. And if you have had similar thoughts, then let me explore this slightly.
First off, what does it mean to “be their friend?”. In other words, what are you offering or providing them.
Listening, to be sure. Perhaps comforting them. Engaging in interesting conversations. Fine. But is that what you’re really offering in your coaching? Perhaps that’s you as a friend, but I would be hard to convince you show up the same way and offer that exact same experience to your clients.
So let’s get a little more honest.
What are you really offering and providing them?
Deep listening, to be sure, perhaps a safe space to express. Maybe someone who doesn’t just automatically buy into their stories but challenges them to look, think and feel differently and explore different perspectives. I also suspect that you help the client think out of the box, get unstuck, inspired, motivated. Of course, if your revealing their values, strengths, desires and dreams, that’s a plus. And you might even be helping them not be so consumed by their fears or overwhelmed by their huge goals or discouraged by the complexities of their lives.
Any of this landing with you? Is this perhaps closer to what you’re doing as a coach?
Yes, of course, you’re still being friendly, but it’s a different kind of friend.
Think of it like food.
There’s tons of different kinds of food out there—like Doritos and Twinkies, while other foods are healthy like fruits and vegetables and whole grains.
One is empty fillers, over processed and packed with strange chemicals. Junk food. And while it may be quite exciting to eat them in the moment because their sweet or fatty, they don’t really leave us satisfied.
On the other hand, those other foods are full of nutrition, feeding our bodies in many wonderful ways and giving us benefits way beyond that super-packed flavor.
So with this metaphor, let’s go back to this “friend” you’re offering in your coaching. Is it empty, processed, perhaps full of flavor, but not really satisfying, or have any real impact or value.
Or is it rich with “nutrition”, full of natural vitamins and minerals to feed the body in many ways?
Now consider going to the store. You could pay very little for a whole lot of that cheap and crappy food (and even get it for free), or go to Whole Foods or elsewhere and pay more, but get a much better and fulfilling experience.
So ask yourself, what food are you?